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February 2011
Sun, Feb. 20th, 2011 09:08 pm

Its been a long long looooooong time!


Fri, Jan. 30th, 2009 02:48 pm

not the best or biggest pics, i know, but it's all i could get right now. whatevs, bask in my geekdom!

done by the super sexy larry bone at electric ladyland in new orleans


Tue, Jan. 20th, 2009 06:19 pm

holy crap, i've sorta forgotten about ol' LJ. not completely though. I meant to post a little something on my 30th birthday (Nov. 21) and then around Xmas and new years, but just never really had the motivation to sit down and spew out stuff that might be worth documenting. i'll admit that i was alot better at doing so when i was drunk. probably because when i was drunk and self-absorbed i thought oh so much of what i had to say.
so anyway, i'm not sure why, but i think i've got some motivation to do so today, if only because i lack the motivation to go out in the cold and do the stuff that really needs to be done today.
so this is where i'm at. i'm now 30 years old, it's 2009, and barack h. obama is now the president of the united states. all positives, i'd say, and i feel pretty good about it all.
as far as turning 30 goes, it's a bit scary, merely because it means i've been alive on the earth for a whole 3 decades. of course, i've gone through the minor internal freakout that i'm sure most people go through at this age - "shit i'm 30! shouldn't i be married with a budding family, a meaningful job and a house and car i really can't afford!?" well, i've got the car i can't really afford anyway, but i'm far from having any of the rest. though, honestly, these aren't really standards i'm holding myself to personally, only standards that i guess society sets up for people at 30. in reality, i feel blessed to be where i am in my life right now. sure it's not picture perfect but i can honestly say that i'm in far better shape mentally and physically than i was at 25. i'm sober - probably most importantly for me (2 years sober on march 7th) i'm in the best physical shape of my life, i'm mentally solid, have my finances relatively in order, and a bit of a game plan for the future. on new years eve (in a hotel in billings montana) i sat down and really took inventory of the things in my life that i am grateful for and the list was lengthy. including all those factors i have just mentioned, and adding my loving and supportive family who finally trust me again, some great friends spread all across the country, an inspiring sponsor and friend who has helped me to change my life and become a better more productive human being, a super roommate, my spirituality strong and intact, and a job, that all though i'm a bit tired of some days, pays the bills, i still enjoy, and is a job, which anyone is lucky to have right now, as well as a sense of clarity and serenity that i have lacked most of my adult life. all in all not a bad lot.
that said, i do have a game plan to change things.
chicago is pretty happenin' city, i guess. and i work and travel so damned much that i really haven't gotten then chance to know it all that well in the 8 months that i've been living here. but, regardless, it is not for me and i have no desire to continue living here in the long term. in fact, i have come to realize that big city livin' is not what i want. not this kind of big city anyway. i don't want to live in the middle of nowhere or anything, i always want the amenities of a metropolis in the vicinity, but i don't want to be situated right in the midst of it. i'm not so concerned with nonstop nightlife and the bar scene etc. anymore, so i suppose that's part of it. i think new orleans is about as much of a big city an address as i could live with. i think tucson was more my speed afterall.
and my flight attendant days are numbered. i'm just really exhausted with my lifestyle. in order to make the money i am currently making to live here, pay off the truck, save, and subsist, i am working practically nonstop. when i have a block of days off i've been heading home to my family in massachusetts and occasionally flying out to visit friends. i would like to have someplace to call home again, where i sleep more often than not, and use as more than just a place to store my crap. i want to become involved with my community again, have friends in the neighborhood, have a home group where i see the same faces, maybe join a weekly curling league or some shit where i can reliably say "yes i will be here every thursday night for practice and saturday afternoon for games." my roommate has this life and i am beginning to covet it. realistically i know that the grass is always greener on the other side and i will probably go a little insane at first when my life has routine again after so many years of erratic on-the-goness, but i honestly feel that this is the direction i am ready to go in.
also, while i do enjoy my job for the most part and i am good at it. (many may think it is a talentless job that anyone who can pour a drink can do, but i assure you it takes a certain PERSONality to do it right. and with a genuine smile on 12 hour days) i am really getting to the point of exhaustion with it. not merely with the lifestyle of it, but with the knowledge that i really should be doing more with my intelligence, drive, education, and particular talent for working with people. i want and need to put that toward good works.
so this is my plan as it stands now: i'm going to keep working crazy hours through the winter. come april/may (once the worst of the winter is over and driving conditions are suitable.) i am going to pack up my truck with all but my immediate essentials (i don't have much here anyway) and drive it all back to my folks house in massachusetts. i will stay living in chicago until my lease runs out in june (unless meg's (my roommate) friend joanna decides to take over my lease before that, which is a possibilty.) i will continue to work for skywest while commuting from boston. since i will be staying with my folks rent free, i will only have to pay for a crash pad in chicago and will be able to considerably cut my hours down. ideally i'll be able to work 65-70 flight hours the first half of a month and then spend the rest in MA. i'll continue to do this until i find work back in MA or am able to go to school full time. i've been saving money for the last year and a half (originally for flying but that's being put on the back burner) and will continue to do so between now and then and should have more than enough to get started with school again in a year or so. i'd like to get certified as a licensed drug and alcohol counselor first and eventually pursue an advanced degree in social work/behavioral science. essentially i'd like to work at an in-patient treatment and rehabilitation center. the people i worked with in treatment were invaluable to me and i'd like to be able to do the same for someone else. even in the early stages of recovery i had counselors telling me that i was a perfect candidate to do so if i were to stay sober and keep my shit together. at the time i thought they were crazy but as things have changed for me and i've gotten more involved i can see what they mean. i know that it is a difficult field to go into and that the success rate working with addicts and alcoholics is frustratingly low, as i've seen firsthand watching friends relapse and disappear already, but it is a job that needs to be done, and a field that is constantly in need of development. i figure if i've got any experience that people can learn from, it's this, and if i can use it to help others, it will make my own recovery all the more worthwhile.
i've been rather single for almost 2 years which is the longest i've gone without being in somesort of defineable relationship since the age of about 17. it bothers me on occasion, but for the most part, i don't really care and haven't made much of an effort to date. i suppose never being in one place for long really makes it an impossibility that i could get involved in anything substantial anyway, and for the moment that keeps me from really trying. at times i am a bit scared by how good i am at being by myself and the self awareness of that fact can, admittedly, make me feel a bit lonely, but companionship for the sake of companionship just doesn't appeal to me at all. so for the moment i remain fiercely independent.
and as far as obama goes. it feels good. i know that all the worlds ills will not be miraculously resolved now that he's in office, but for the first time in 8 years it feels like progress is possible, and that's as good a start as any.


Mon, Nov. 10th, 2008 08:31 am

"you're flying!"


Tue, Nov. 4th, 2008 10:14 pm
well, holy shit. go america!


Thu, Oct. 23rd, 2008 05:48 pm


Thu, Oct. 23rd, 2008 11:26 am

just got back to chicago. i had a really great time at home with the fam and visiting some friends. it went by really fast and i wasn't able to see everyone i wanted to, but i'll be back for my (30th!) birthday in a few weeks so hopefully i'll make up for it (that means you, J). the fall foliage is beautifully ablaze and the air tastes brisk and clean just as new england autumn air should. and shit, yeah, i miss it there.
but now i've got a whole day off here in chicago to go out and be productive:

first, off to cast my early vote for obams and bides! woot!
then to the Y to work out
then hopefully to chicago touch for a massage if they call me back and confirm
and then off to the chevy dealership to have them tweak zeke so i won't get another friggin ticket for not having my front plate mounted properly. buncha savages in this town, i tell ya!

and i'm off!

Current Music: wire - the 15th


Wed, Oct. 22nd, 2008 02:50 pm

she is so wonderful and weird. it's been far too long since i've listened to miss america.


Tue, Oct. 14th, 2008 09:44 pm



Tue, Oct. 14th, 2008 08:38 pm
man, i don't know what prompted it exactly, but i am seriously missing home. more specifically, my fam. i even watched a bunch of NCIS episodes online cause it's my mum's favorite show and i watch it with her when i visiting.
therefore instead of visiting new orleans next week as i had planned i've decided to head to mass(achuuusetts) on my days off.
NOLA has been postponed til next month when i will join timmy there to show him all the wonders of my beloved old stomping grounds.